Hello everyone, I am new to the forums and to polyamory.
I am A, I am 39 years old (40 in December!) and I hail from Australia.
My partner and I recently decided to open up our 14 year relationship. The decision was mutual and it happened very organically, much to my amazement. I had been having thoughts of wanting to have new experiences for a while, and actually, unbeknownst to me, so had she. It kind of surprised me in a way, because she is intensely loyal and has always been faithful, but now, after having had our first child, she is ready to let her hair down
What also amazed me was how quickly she has settled on a target for her affections
A man from her past has recently re-entered the picture, admittedly he has been on the periphery of our relationship from the word go.
S met B two years prior to meeting me. He was a very good looking 22 year old, who had plenty of ladies admiring him, but then S found herself falling in love hard. They had some romantic interludes together, but that time around it never came close to sex.
He also had some major issues with intimacy and expressing emotion, being very cold, aloof and arrogant towards her at that time, which soon soured their initial connection.
Two years later S left her hometown and moved to mine. She met me when I was 24, she was 21. It was instant attraction on both parts, but she was wary of me because I too had issues (anger, rejection, general immaturity). She was very hesitant to get involved with me but we ended up making love and it was incredibly romantic and ideal. The next morning we woke up to warm soft sunlight filtering in the balcony windows and bliss in each other's arms.
S had already planned to moved to another town at this time, so sadly she had to go soon after this. But we certainly had a wonderful time for those couple of weeks, and we kept in touch. Eventually S moved in with me in the new town I had moved to.
After a couple of years B stayed over with us for a couple of nights and, knowing their history, it was very weird and awkward for me. Luckily nothing happened between them - I was so raw and going through severe emotional turmoil at that time, I had tried to take my own life at one stage so I was very delicate. I could not have handled them doing anything at that time.
Fast forward a little, and S actually left me after 5 years of living together to return to her hometown. We had a year apart, and during that time - you guessed it! - she had an intensely romantic encounter with B at his family's home that was near a long secluded beach. Sex was basically almost going to happen, but he had no condoms in the house. He went for a drive to get some, and by the time he got back, S had thought better of it. Things still did not feel right for her at that time.
Fast forward a little more, and I had now left the town where S and I had lived together and had moved to S's hometown. I was determined to win her back from the start, but hearing about her encounter with B (yep, she told me about it!!) made me go into overdrive.
So LSS I managed to seduce/charm/win her back by fair means and foul, but to be fair by this time she had moved in with B and discovered what a difficult customer he could be (strong ego, moody, arrogant, etc) and once again, sex had almost happened but for one reason or another did not. She met me for breakfast one day in tears about how she was being treated and having now gotten established in the city I asked her once again to move in with me. She did, and after 6 more years!!! we finally had our first child, after having resisted because we were enjoying our newfound inner city lifestyle too much.
We recently moved out further into the 'burbs with our new baby boy, and after several years off the radar, B reappears, married to K (now for about 2 years?). He works long hours and so S and he don't really get to hang out much - and SK is the intensely jealous type, so I can't see her agreeing to go poly anytime soon. Interestingly enough, B even said to S in conversation once that "if" he was to have an affair (paging Dr Freud) he would have to be completely honest with K.
So we're back to where this post started - S and I are open after 14 years together, S has made it fairly clear that she wants something to happen with B, and I am learning to be accepting and unconditionally loving and supportive whereas once I was crazy jealous. Much to my amazement I am actually achieving this goal, and in fact (for reasons I will go into next time) I am 100% on her side! I am working through the internal-world problems as they come up, and I want her to go for it and enjoy her new freedom. She deserves it after years of being there for me through some hard shit, its reward time!
There is a slight compliciation here - B doesn't know yet that we are open, and in addition S has a lot of fears about being intimate with B, for reasons I'll go into next time. Also he and his wife are mono.
P.S. I should also mention in fairness to my darling S that she lost her virginity to me, hence the idealistic way I described it above
And so, as at the time of writing still not having had sex with B, I am still currently the only sex partner she has had. Hence her desire for some experimentation.
Thanks so much for reading, more soon!