Welcome to our forum.
It sounds to me like you're bound to have some difficulties finding people to hook up with, both because of your work schedule and because yes, gals frequently have more luck than guys on dating sites and such. I think it would help for you and your wife to make peace with this reality, to whatever extent you can and in addition to whatever you can try to improve your odds a little.
In the following list, are there any dating sites you haven't tried yet?
Another thing you can do is look for poly meet-up groups in your geographical area. Try googling "polyamory" with the name of your state or city, and also see if any of the following links might help:
We have a Dating & Friendships subforum
on this site that might help.
A few more thoughts:
"As for where to meet poly people, if by some chance you are interested in anything alternative like Renaissance fairs, goth culture, sci-fi conventions, indie music, bdsm, or any small fringe group, you will be more likely to meet people who have at least heard of poly and are accepting of it."
-- SpaceHippieGeek, http://polyamoryonline.org/smf/index...57394#msg57394
Even if it's not an "alternative" type group, if there's a club or something in your area that does something you're interested in, you can always join that group and it just gives you a way to get out there and meet people. If you meet someone on a platonic level and get to talking about poly, then they can decide how they feel about it without any "pressure to agree." Then if they do decide poly doesn't bother them too much, and some kind of romantic connection subsequently develops, you'll already have "had the poly conversation" with them.
Do the best you can, and have lots of patience.