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Old 09-18-2013, 10:32 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
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Originally Posted by qwair View Post
and she considers starting something with her roommate N. When she asks for my advice, I advise against it because I didn't feel roommate romances are a good idea in general.
Why? Just curious.

Originally Posted by qwair View Post
I slept with other guests in the guest room (which was okay), but when they asked me how I know A, I felt too awkward to come out to them and cause a scene on her birthday. In the entire situation I felt like my relationship turned from a poly situation to a don't ask -- don't tell situation, with me being the third wheel or the 'outsider'.
Did you guys discuss being "out" about being poly? What is her current stance? Are you ok with her current stance?

What is *your* stance about being "out"? Are you happy with the way this turned out?

Originally Posted by qwair View Post
2. Is A right? Does everyone who chooses to practice poly take a chance that they might find themselves suddenly in a non-poly arrangement?
Everyone who chooses to be in a relationship should come to terms with the reality that relationships change over time. Further, when confronted with abrupt environmental changes (like being separated by a couple 100 miles) relationships can change extremely fast. This is a fact in monogamous relationships as well as non-monogamous relationships.

But, does she want a monogamous situation? If she's in love with you and her Roomie, then she's still poly... even if she clearly plans for you to be on the outside looking in.

Originally Posted by qwair View Post
However, should I have insisted on us dating only other poly people? Is that limitation okay in your view?
If you are her life-boss and are in charge of what she does with her time, then absolutely. Are you in charge of her life decisions? Do you really want to be? It doesn't sound like that's the kind of association you are looking for.

She has made her stance very clear.
He has made his stance very clear.
You want to stay in this relationship anyway.

... learn to love it, I guess?
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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