View Single Post
Old 09-18-2013, 10:11 PM
Marcus's Avatar
Marcus Marcus is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,580

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
It wouldn't be up to me to try and change their agreement or manipulate the situation to what I want. All I can do is ask if the situation would work for me, if I still feel respected in such a situation, and then I have the choice to either accept it, ask for an adjustment to it and see if he is willing to renegotiate with her to give it to me, or walk away. What good does it do to throw a tantrum, badmouth the guy and his partner(s), and start rumors, as Josie's ex-metamour apparently did? That is idiotic, especially since it was such a short amount of time that Josie and he had agreed to limit overnights.
This is a very adult way to look at it. Regardless of the period of time the restriction was to encompass, how much time was allowed, or any other aspect of the rules... it comes down to my decision as an individual to either allow this influence into my life or not. Whining and complaining about it simply suggests the maturity level of the person.

Personally hearing that there was a rule, temporary or otherwise, agreed upon by "the couple", which directly impacted me, I would immediately consider that to be a flag. Maybe not a deal breaker red flag, but you could be sure I would be keeping a very close eye on any control issues coming from that camp. A couple of weeks is a relatively short period of time, but it suggests that there might be an insecurity problem and that there is certainly some level of couple privilege going on there.

If I were *REALLY* interested in the person I might stick around for that... otherwise it would be entirely likely that I would turn that into a "Let's just break this off, be casual acquaintances, and call me if you get this stuff worked out"
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
Reply With Quote