The Long Road Back
I've been back to my old tricks of start…stop…rewrite…and trash..rinse…repeat. I have a bad bad tendency to get off subject and lead my story away to place I don't know if I'm ready to even explore full with myself let alone purge it on the internet. I've decided however it is time to suck it up and just write. Whatever comes out, well fuck it put it out in the cosmos and whatever will be will be.
Since the break up with Giggles in May life went from insane to calm to normal then right back to insane. I guess before I get into where I am I should back track a bit and get into where we were at. The break up was heart wrenching. My heart was broken, Nails' heart was broken, and Giggles heart was broken. I knew she was hurting but of course in my own heart and anger I wouldn't allow myself to acknowledge it. It took me a while to realize how immature I was being at times about it. I had to do some serious soul searching and realize I was never really in love with Giggles. I was in love with the idea of her but not the girl herself.
She was a horrible fit for us. It was no ones fault really. Nails and I are very open and sharing people, Giggles was not so when we were pushing her to share more of her with us it was unfair and something she really couldn't do. Giggles wanted a commitment from us, to move in and share our families. Nails and I both knew that wasn't the right step for us. So she did what she had to and she ended the relationship she saw as going no where. She was right, of course, both Nails and I knew it we just hadn't been willing to admit it. We are both loyal to a fault so breaking up even when we know it is for the best is hard.
Nails took everything a lot harder then I did and that is where a lot of my heartache come from. There were nights I was all but begging him to work things out with her for himself just so he would be ok but he never would. We've talked about it since and he says he always knew she wasn't right for us and even less right to be his girlfriend without me. He loves her. He misses her but she ripped his heart out and he says he will never trust her.
He had messaged her once said he begged her to talk to him, to explain, to set his soul at ease but she wouldn't. She remained cold and distant. This was when he changed. His words became hurtful when he spoke of her and he said it made it easier if he just hated her. Nails hates no one, ever, so to have him take on those feels was like a knife through my heart but we all deal with things as we must and this was his way.
Nails: 42/husband married 16 year together 18/straight
Pumkin: 25/my kissy face friend sorta gf
John5: 38/Pumkin'a BF and good friends with Nails and myself
Snuggles: 25/dating Nails and Me
Giggles: 37/the ex-girlfriend
Buzz: 20/oldest son adopted at 2 by Nails
Stitch: 17/youngest son with Nails