Thread: New confusions.
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Old 06-28-2009, 11:24 PM
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redsirenn redsirenn is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Sunny CA
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Default New confusions.

I have been dating someone for about 5 months. It started out as a casual thing. I recently came out of a divorce, and we had no interest in anything more than fun and sex. That "plan" didn't work out. We have grown closer and things have begun to hit the fan, so to speak.
I have known for a while that he was thinking about polyamory, I just never thought i would get attached, and so didn't think about it much. We have been non-exclusive, during this time, and I have dated other people, although he has remained monogamous to me (he says it was out of respect) what ever that means... I didn't expect, nor ask him to.
All of a sudden, I find out that he is away visiting a friend he has feelings for. Before I find this out we had a discussion earlier and I asked him to take things slow (made the mistake of not clarifying what I meant about this). We talked on the phone, and he agreed, with hesitation, to remain platonic with her while away.
Now, I am terrified. I need to know what to do. Should I stay and try to see if this will work for us? Should I just leave now? I am genuinly curious, and like to stretch my thinking about the world, and I am also afraid that if I don't try, I will always wonder about it.
Our chemistry is amazing, we get along really well, and I was recently introduced to his family (apparently the first girl in a couple of years). I have expressed to him many times, that I need complete and total honesty - or else I won't be able to maintain this relationship, let alone a friendship with him. I know that this situation is different in that we were never officially exclusive, so it is not like we are opening up a committed, monogamous relationship. Yet, I have never done this before, and would like to take this VERY SLOWLY. The only way I can trust him is if I know him. and the only way I can know him is with time! This is a double edged sword, because to me, that means working on our relationship with each other, and then opening it up after I do feel I can trust him and that his intentions are pure. PLUS, There are oh so many discussions that need to be had, and these discussions take time, and energy, and need processing in both our minds. He has never tried this before either, so this will be an exploration for the both of us. A chance to figure out what polyamory means to us, or even if we just want an open-relationship.
Any thoughts? I really need some people to talk to about this. It is eating away at my life right now...
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