Originally Posted by Magdlyn
OK, her own kids don't listen to her, she is a somewhat ineffective parent? Yet, she has full custody and could take them to another state if she so pleased, at any time?
You're a better mom, both to your own kids and to hers? So, your h being going more than he is home (by a long shot! one week home, 5-9 weeks away!), he wants his kids with her to have a more effectual mom (step-mom) than his ex?
He comes home and has to have sex with her a few times in that one week, and that keeps her feeling wanted enough that she will stay with you, in your house, and you get more siblings for your own kids. This helps heal a childhood wound of yours...
But she is jealous of his time spent with you, and she is jealous of your time spent with him. And he doesn't trust her, or love her (much, if at all), but will fuck her just to keep her there so neither woman has to be a single mom while he's away 5-9 weeks at a time.
Very unusual situation. Almost Biblical.
She was granted custody (she left and fled to another state across country) because in most cases if the mom can't be proven unfit the kids are given to her. In this case, when she left and my husband fought for custody they said that they had been with her for too long to grant him the custody and they had no proof of her being unfit at all. (when she took off it took over a year to track her down and find her in order to do the divorce and custody battles). She still has full legal custody. for now.
My husband has the idea to let her stay with us and then at tax time when he claims them on taxes to prove he and I have been supporting the kids, then we have a better chance of getting them. Since she has no home, job, or anything other than custody payments we have better grounds to fight for them. This also makes it easier as they will be able to say they enjoy staying with us more than with her alone.
Even then, I still feel that the kids do need their own mother because it is important for kids to have their biological parents in their lives as much as possible. Neither of mine were ever really in my life much and I was raised by grandparents or aunts and uncles, back and forth. Due to this I felt, as a child, that my parents didn't care. I don't want that for any of my step-kids.
Despite all this, I do care for her and love her in my own way. He does care about her because she is his kids' mother.
I just want everything to be able to be smoothed out so the kids can have a happy and functional family unit that are strong and there for them no matter what. This also helps them be able to have someone to go to when they need it. If they can't go to her, then they can come to me and my husband or vice versa.
I don't know about biblical, but unusual, yes. That's why I asked for advice on some ways to help open communication between her and him in order for it to be easier for the 3 of us to be able to communicate on all levels, especially important ones. She and I communicate great when alone. He and I communicate superbly, always have. but she and him do not.
Since sitting down and having talks with them, she has done much better on dealing with her jealousy issues about my spending time with him and him with me. A lot of it was due to when he comes home a lot of my time has been taken away from her. She finally opened up and said she felt like he was taking me from her, in a way. So we agreed that when he is home that her and I would get a few hours alone for a day or two at some point during that week. She has also said that she had gotten used to having me all to herself the majority of the time and it bothered her to have that suddenly "taken away". I just wish she would have let us know this before it started causing issues for her and all of us. We would have been able to come up with a solution if she would have said something about it. (She was raised Mormon and grew up in a polygymous family, so she is familiar with poly of some form.)
We are still having issues with her communicating properly with him or the two of us together, BUT we are still working on it. She has been on her meds and that has also helped a lot with her moods, as it is slowly getting more leveled out. THANK goodness! lol.
KDT, I certainly will keep you guys updated.