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Old 09-18-2013, 02:36 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,587

Originally Posted by MonoMale View Post
His lack of communication with my wife has pissed me off a lot.
This is where I see you going sideways. You will be better off if you learn to understand that this is none of your business.

I get that her relationship with S is bumming her out, which impacts your life, but how do you handle it when her work puts her in a bad mood? Or she has an argument with her mother? Do you smash a wall and go "handle it yourself"? I hope not, because it is not your business. If she asks you to get involved it seems like something to consider (maybe), but otherwise it is truly not your business to control the details of her life.

I imagine this control issue is at the root of your "anger problem" (as A pointed out). Anger is just how it is manifesting itself, the anger isn't anything on its own. If you were not trying to heroically control the world and people around you... what would you have to be angry about?

Originally Posted by MonoMale View Post
I've had no problems with A actually having sex with S, but struggle a lot with the emotional side of it all.
Having some jealousy issues is pretty normal. So long as you recognize that it is within you and it is based primarily in all-purpose insecurity, you should be able to work through it.

Originally Posted by MonoMale View Post
So, how do other people handle mess like this?? Especially when one person isn't communicating at all and my wife's been in limbo for 4 weeks.
I don't actually see a mess here, other than you needing to work on your control issues.

She had a romantic encounter with a friend and it's getting a little weird. Who knows what is going on with him and hopefully he will talk to her (her, not you) about it. That is a bummer, and I'm sure she is pretty let down by the whole thing... but if that's as bad as it gets I think you're doing fine.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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