I really don't know where Susan and I are at.
Monday we met up on gchat and had a really hot time and a nice talk. I had mailed her a love letter on Friday and she went to sleep with the card.
Yesterday we chatted during the day, and made plans for me to visit for a few days. I know she wasn't placating as she both asked me to stay over "at least" one day, and mentioned there's a nice hotel really close to her house for the others. Then she ignored me for 4 hours when we were on our social chat despite a couple messages from me. At 2am, we had the biggest fight we've ever had. On our social chat, we have profile pictures. For the last several months, mine has been a picture of the two of us. I'm going to take it down. I wanted to let her know and let her know why. One of my reasons is that it wouldn't be fair to any "women I might be seeing." She flipped out because I vaguely referenced other women. Not that I'm seeing them. She's ok with that, but she can't deal with knowing about it. I can try not letting her know, but I'm not sure it makes any difference. She's too curious. She's going to see me in public chat rooms with the same persons.
It feels like we are now broken up publicly. Privately, not, and we did part on ok terms last night. We both had trouble sleeping and she texted me early this morning. We both apologized again, and admitted we are scared. Our relationship is reverting to a year ago. Back when I had to pretend I wasn't in love with her. I asked Susan for an evening with me on Friday. I want to hang out with our friends and see how it goes. I need to be able to be with her in public. If she can't do that any more, it's just a matter of time before it's dead.
On the other hand, I'm not waiting around either. I have meetings scheduled tomorrow (Sassanach) and Thursday (Stakes - previously mentioned as S). If I'm reverting to life pre-Susan, I'm jumping in whole hog. I don't half-ass things.
I'm really excited about Sassanach though. I've wanted a deeper relationship with her for a year or more. I hadn't been able to devote to it because I was spending my time on Susan. Sass and I are very similar. Same music taste. Same books. Same life situation (married, in love LDR online, not limited). Same sexual outlook. I was so thrilled when she accepted my offer for a "date" tonight.
Me: 40 straight male in a V with
Wife: Kay - mono female - married 18 years
LDR girlfriend: Susan - poly female - 3 year relationship
Stakes - very intimate friend
Ironically named Farmgirl - local interest
Last edited by Nox; 09-18-2013 at 02:21 PM.
Reason: clarity + naming