Thread: BDsm
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Old 09-17-2013, 09:16 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,439

I just wanted to point out that even someone interested in BDSM like me still gets that feeling of incredible rage and immense frustration at not being able to fix it when I hear about anything happening non-consensually.
Actually, I would say I even have a hard time watching consensual BDSM. I really need to be part of it for it to be okay (and then it's more than ok, it's hot).

So I totally get it. I too am all for consensual BDSM relationships, but when I'm not part of a relationship I don't really know (I mean know inside of me, more that just logically knowing it because they told me so) that the people are consenting to everything, or how much they like it, and since I can't fix it because I'm not part of it, it makes me uncomfortable at best.

I feel there is a big amount of getting to know each other before you can do BDSM together because you need to be able to read each other. If at any time I felt like the other person wasn't enjoying themselves I would just lose it, it would stop being hot and would become disgusting and disturbing and I would have to stop everything. Being able to predict how far you can go or what you can`shouldn't do is essential to me. That doesn't work with strangers, even if I know they're enjoying it, so I'm not really able to differentiate between consensual and non-consensual when I'm merely an observer, therefore I don't wish to be one.

Fictional stories are fine because the way the characters feel about things is spelled out. Video porn is not because it's really happening to real people so the usual caveats apply.

However I am certainly fine with people having sex the way they want, and I am fine with porn that is consensual between the actors, too.
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