Emotional night last night. M was having a lot of anxiety regarding issues in his own life, and didn't feel like sharing any of it with me. Unfortunately, he used almost the same words that my previous failed poly partnership did when he was breaking up with me. I let him know I was feeling vulnerable and would like him to call me, but he didn't, and instead listed some rather disingenuous reasons he couldn't. (I felt, anyway.)
So, this morning I was feeling very edgy and waiting for him to dump me. We discussed how irrational this was and got through it. I really was caught up in whether or not he was really having issues or wanting to make peace with the fact that we were through. Since our contact has only been through Facebook since we were intimate last Friday, I was feeling very unsettled about his feelings for me.
We also had another long back and forth about my need for once a week overnights minimum, and he said he hasn't really gotten a definite on them, but thought his wife was going to be more or less okay with it.
One of the things he mentioned as a sticking point with the overnights is the fact that their older teenage son has no idea that they are poly. Rather, they don't think he knows. Though H, when she goes on overnights, she just announces where she is going, but M is supposed to not let their son know he is staying at my house. I have met their son, but was just introduced as a friend, though he has remarked to M that he spends a lot of time with me. Apparently H doesn't want their son knowing about their other relationships, and mine is I guess more apt to reveal that it is happening? I don't really get the thinking there.
M says he wants me to feel like a primary, but doesn't know how to accomplish that. I told him more time, for sure. I can not feel like a primary if I only see him once a week, and only have texting at other times. I also told him length of time - we have only been together for a a month and a half. When we have been together longer, clearly that would make our relationship seem more important.
I am not sure what else could help me feel more equal with his wife. I certainly don't want their relationship. I don't like the double standards.
Hinge in a poly-fi vee with two mono men
Wife to DarkKnight
Girlfriend to PunkRockAwesomesauce