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Old 09-17-2013, 01:22 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Richardson, TX
Posts: 1,378

Originally Posted by Neutralwind View Post
But...this is poly! Why am I thinking this?
As with any major worldview shift, I find that a lot of assumptions get grandfathered in and I can find myself behaving in a way that is no longer in line with my current ideals.

Jealousy is one of those things most have to deal with as they begin to live a more poly-centric lifestyle. Jealousy, like many of these other grandfathered ideas and reactions, is simply something that needs to be experienced, intellectualized, and then move on with the decision that comes out of the consideration. The concept of "the next level" and marriage is another of these concepts which don't apply to me anymore.

I personally find the official ranking of relationships to be something to avoid; marriage is a big one. When the relationship is among equals, everyone going about their lives, no one needs to be given a rank or insignia to prove their love... this is where I want to be. Taking this fantastic relationship and putting external legal pressure and a rank on it sounds like the very worst idea.

BUT!! This is because independence is a core ideal for me when it comes to relating (romantically or otherwise). Polyamory is simply multiple loves (or at least the potential of it), and is in no way descriptive of the nuances of relating within a particular pair. Some people find the ranks of hierarchy and symbols demonstrating "commitment" to be of high value... I find them to be destructive and antithetical to who I am.

It all depends on the chef.

Originally Posted by Neutralwind View Post
but if the relationship is going to plateau so to speak....will this be it?
What would this next level be like? Will it add some element that is currently missing from your relationship? Or are you simply falling victim to the traditional inertia which should end with the two of you in marriage?

Originally Posted by Neutralwind View Post
How do couples in poly who are feverishly in love marry, and keep a poly relationship working?
I keep my relationship working by not looking at it as something I need to keep working. A "relationship" is just people relating to each other, sometimes sharing expenses, sharing space, having kids/dogs, etc. The idea that the relationship is some third entity which needs special attention is just a distraction, in my opinion. Focus on living your life, being kind, taking responsibility for your actions, being assertive in expressing your desires... "the relationship" will take care of itself.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent

Last edited by Marcus; 09-17-2013 at 01:28 PM.
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