This is why Poly should be in Sex Ed!
So you're saying that even by poly standards I should not be putting up with this behavior?
The thing is while we've been poly for 4 years we have had no structure or support from knowing what it means to be poly, or mono, or mono/poly. (Wish they talked about this stuff in Sex Ed!) We never knew what to call our relationship so we just called it "Single Together" and tried to ignore the fact that it was not really like being single and not really like being together. We never had the advantage of being able to read up on poly experiences from others and outline our boundaries and intentions...we just dove into the deep end but we're very mature and (usually) very good communicators so we've been totally fine (even having happy relationships with close friends, co-workers in the business we both run, and P's ex girlfriends) for 4 years until this.
P did not know the mono consequences of what he was getting us into when he fell in love with M and now he is being swept up in NRE without being properly warned about it's dangers. Since I'm inherently the more stable, patient partner I have to just be patient and wait in the dark while he tries to see if M can accept it.
While P has been gone I only just discovered the word polyamory while searching for some sort of relief an understanding for my pain and it has really opened my eyes to a better way of going about our "single-togetherness." I have tried to share my new discovery of this enlightened path on which we have been stumbling recklessly for so long, but he won't talk to me. He just says "I love you, we'll talk when I get back."