I met my current partner (M) whilst I was in a monogamous relationship with someone else. My girlfriend at the time (O) and I were just starting to open up to the idea of polyamory and this was her first choice as a possible triad candidate.
Fast forward, the triad relationship is over, ending with my original partner (O) lying and cheating on the both of us (M and I). This broke M's heart and neither of us had really ever been mono together and didn't quite know how to go about it at first and there was much adjusting to be done. We tried to form other poly relationships, but none quite took off.
We've both always been of the polyfidelitous triad mindset.
Present day, I am still very much wanting to be involved in a triad type relationship whereas M no longer seems to want polyamory in her life in any form. I'm not really sure what I should do.
We've both talked about everything openly, very extensively. We've also been together for over 6 years. It just seems like we want different things now, but we both want the other in our lives. She is content to remain monogamous, but I just feel so strongly towards the triad lifestyle we once had. I just feel like I'm suited for it.
I'm at a loss. I don't feel like this is something I should leave the relationship over, as it seems a bit ridiculous and I want to share a triad relationship with her, but I understand that that is no longer something she wants. At the same time, I do not feel that I can, in good conscience, just be content with a monogamous relationship. To that end, I d not feel that I can satisfy her needs for a monogamous partner.
I guess I'm just thinking out loud here, but I really don't know what I should do. I feel this odd sense of abandonment, like she's just left behind the ideals we once shared, even though I know this is irrational and that people and their needs and wants change. It is just so sad that we both want to be together, but our differing directions seem to be leading us apart. I feel guilty because I know this is largely my 'fault' for wanting something 'more' than what I already share with her, but at the same time it is difficult for me to accept that I can not love more than one person within the bounds of our current relationship. It just doesn't seem right.