Originally Posted by Ariakas
Not everyone in bdsm likes the submission/dominance end. I just like to hurt my partners sometimes
I like the 'B' part. I fight too much to be a sub and have no desire to be a dom. I like the fight... (grr). I've been poking around reddit and follow this thread, but really, P and I play a bit now and then and find what works for us.
Colors, I wasn't trying to ding you, and I'll address your question, but it seems to me that BDSM is very similar to Poly in that there are very different ways of having a BDSM or Poly relationship, and my <insert "thing" here> may be very different from your <insert other, very different "thing" here>, all within the BDSM or Poly umbrella. It's something you'll have to negotiate for yourself, in your own relationships, and find what works for you. I know for me, pain play is extremely difficult (you'd think that after going through childbirth AND gallstones, I'd be ok with pain, but noooooo...), and although P gets a bit "bitey" from time to time, I'm sensitive as hell and bruise up pretty easily. It's all personal and requires negotiation for each individual. What you're interested in may click for some and not for others.
But that's okay.
Just negotiate, be safe, and make sure your boundaries are communicated beforehand. P has erred on the side of being *too* cautious, and I appreciate that. Better to end play before it gets bad, than to have it get to a bad place that you have to recover from.
Everyone has their own preferences, and communicating that is key.
Are you looking for tips on how to start exploring, or are you looking for like-minded folks? Or something else? Telling us what you're interested in doesn't really say what you're looking for by way of responses.
Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 13; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).
Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk