Back from vacation with some new drama.
The Daley stuff never materialized. He went back to ignoring her for whatever his reasons are. I never understood why she puts up with it, or he does what he does. But whatever. I'm through caring it about it one way or the other. I reached my breaking point with that post 3 weeks ago.
Vacation was fantastic. Had a great time with Kay. Enjoyed meeting the people I've conversed with on facebook/message boards. Scuba went fantastic. Kay without the kids had plenty of mental energy for both me and being social. She really opened up and had a good time. I enjoyed watching it.
During that 10 days, though, it was hard on Susan. I missed her too, and was able to talk to her a few times, but our normal 4 hours a day were reduced to a few minutes.
Got back, things were good until Friday and here's how the weekend went:
Friday: Saw her online for a couple hours. Sent two messages. Neither returned.
Saturday Early: sexted. (hot)
Saturday afternoon: online again, invited, she declined saying give her a few minutes, 45 minutes later I said I had to run errands, she apologied for time getting away from her.
Saturday later: briefly talked on phone.
Saturday night: saw her online, she was busy (could see she was in a room and with whom), i didn't invite, she didn't come find me. I went back to bed (wasn't feeling well since noon).
Just past midnight: she texts "are you awake" but didn't want anything at all.
4am: sends an "i'm sorry I'm not who you want me to be."
Which I'm flabbergasted. I said I went to bed because I wasn't feeling well, had nothing to do with her. I was a little hurt by being ignored, but no biggie, we can talk about it tomorrow as it's 4am and I'm not coherent.
I sent her an email in the morning which contained the following [paraphrased]:
I was a little hurt this weekend just from the lack of communication.
I would like to know if you think you're going to busy so I can make other plans. We tend to default to seeing each other. I don't begrudge you, when we don't. If I'm missing you more than normal, I'll make a date with you.
She was "crushed." She said I wanted to control her. That I wanted her to report. I had a trusted, honest friend read the original, and didn't get any of that.
She's under a ton of stress. Wineguy's cancer is going to kill him, it's just a matter of when and how soon. We are 95% likely talking months, not years. In the mean time she's having to take care of him, which is really hard for her to do in general, let alone sickness related. Work isn't much better. She's putting in tons of hours and it's the nature of the job, not just her workplace.
Susan does claim I'm putting her in a catch-22. That I want her to tell me when she's with someone but then I get cold when she does. The first one half is nuanced. I LIKE her to tell me because I like to know what's going on in her life. But I really only want to know when she's busy so I don't have to wait for her. I don't know about the being cold at all. I've been extremely supportive of Wineguy and Brigham. Daley I've been supportive, though there have been times when I told her she was better off moving on, and we did have that incident, but those were because Susan and I were hanging out and she left me to go hang out with him. I understood and encouraged, but I wasn't happy about it. I will tease her a little when a new guy comes around because it tweaks my insecurity, but I wouldn't categorize it as cold. It's about perspective though. I'll have to be better.
She said we'll get through it, and I tend to agree. I don't feel any differently, but I'm caught between giving her space and needing to reach out. She says she wants me not to wait on her, but I have such a hard time reconciling that with her having anxiety when I'm gone.
I guess I just have to trust. I'll give her space. She already reached out to me today, but it was weird. She said she was feeling better about us, but pushed away when I asked if I should talk to her tonight.
I get the feeling she needs an escape right now, and I'm too much like real life.
Me: 40 straight male in a V with
Wife: Kay - mono female - married 18 years
LDR girlfriend: Susan - poly female - 3 year relationship
Stakes - very intimate friend
Ironically named Farmgirl - local interest