Oh my, I see that fake orgasm bit really got a few people going... good!
First let me clarify, I was talking about experiences "I" had that I was not comfortable in and thought I should be. My attitude at the time was, "fake it til you make it." Well I didn't make it and wonder if I will ever understand sex with strangers or even acquaintances who don't know me and don't really care about me other than I said "yes" to them getting it with my pussy.
I need a head to pussy connection to be in it. I don't get that with people I have no investment in and feel they don't with me. This has been tried and tested many a time and I can tell you, with great certainty that my orgasms are just fine when that all body, soul connection, spiritually connected feeling is there for me... when I can look in the eyes of my lover and feel them in my soul.... not when I am dancing up and down on some guys cock that I don't know and can't even look at them or feel their foreign tongue on my clit without any former connection. I can see how that is fun, but it has gotten way old and when I think back, it was all the same thing over and over, I know who I am in that and I'm done with it... that person is not someone I want in my life anymore. I want REAL TO ME orgasms now, and get plenty of them
I hope this makes it more clear. I understand that I am not all women and I understand that this may be unusual for the poly sex positive community. It's who I am though and what is positive for me is that I know this about myself now and would appreciate it that others would be happy for me. I'm not saying that any of you aren't. I am speaking in generalities here.
Just to let you know. It is very possible to get all those little muscles to do just what you want them to if you practice.... pretending is possible. I don't pretend anymore, I don't have to, because my sex life is everything I ever wanted it to be and more, but I know how and it has gotten me out of a few situations where I have not felt like it's okay to have a voice.
As to why I mentioned men in terms of abusing slut culture Ariakas? I suppose women can also abuse it... but really I have not personally been involved with women who happily abused it, have come out of it feeling good about themselves and are more evolved because of it. Perhaps that will change, I hope so. I have found that the women I know have come out of it feeling fractured and un-able to get in touch with their bodies and depressed. I must admit however that I don't know a lot that actually even talk about it... and most I know are in it right now. So this is a limited view, but a view non-the-less.
sorry for the thread hyjack SchrodingersCat.