Lately I have been thinking a lot about the idea of “community”. I have found it to be an area of dissatisfaction for me personally and I finally got the root of this issue after long discussions with Redpepper. I was feeling frustrated that it seemed as though the poly community was over conducted, over structured, over theorized and overly concerned with becoming a community. I found it uninspiring that a community made up of the most individualistic people I have ever known seemed to have fallen into a trap of conformity and some pretence for inclusion. It also seemed to be becoming overly compartmentalized. Why was there a need to always associate social activities among like-minded people around the one primary thing they shared in common? Do we not have other areas of common interest? I never experienced the need to hyphenate every activity with “Mono” before so why do I have to start every event with the word “Poly” now?
I came to the realization that in my eyes, the community itself was the driving force behind friendships and not the friendships establishing the community.
The community seemed to be offering the chance for enrolment over the intent to provide information and guidance. This seems to isolate those that simply have found themselves in a position of having a non-traditional relationship but only wanting answers and help, not community or to join a visible and public group.
I see the people I consider friends as those that make up my community, some online, some in person. The community is not the place where my friendships originate; my friendships are the place where my community will.
I enjoy the people in "my community" far more than I enjoy the idea of community itself. They are all interesting, individualistic and valued for the diverse opinions and approaches they have. I am fortunate to have each in my life as they have taught me more about the world and myself then they realize.
Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes
Poly Events All Over