View Single Post
Old 02-27-2010, 04:48 PM
ImaginaryIllusion's Avatar
ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,989

Originally Posted by JustAGirl View Post
In specific, regarding VETO agreements... there's a big part of me that doesn't want to have to negotiate their entire parameters. I'd like to find someone with parameters already established that I'm comfortable with and agree with.
Unfortunately just as single people are unique, relationships are doubly so, and the complexity increases exponentially with the number of people involved. As such I'd suspect it's unlikely to find someone else's veto agreement that would be an exact fit for yours. On the other hand I can also see why you might not want to reinvent the wheel as it were.

There's been some mentions of people having veto agreements on the board which can of course be found with a search on the term.

Such as found here:
First Poly Relationship, Need Advice

Regardless whatever parameters you want for veto, they'll involve some serious thought into why you'd want them, what function they're trying to serve, and they'll need to be Negotiated.
Negotiations and re-negotiations

The short version of Veto context, purpose and some shortfalls can be found on Xeromag's Poly Dictionary.

From what little I've seen, Veto power seems far more common amongst swingers than poly's. I think sometimes however it may seem a necessary evil for a time, particularly with established mono couples that are just starting to explore opening their relationship to any non-monogamous form.
Here's an article that talks to how such power should be wielded very carefully.
Poly Power of Veto & an associated review. Veto Power: the Nuclear Option

Originally Posted by JustAGirl View Post
What about those of you who do NOT have a veto agreement - why don't you have one? Do you wish you did? Does it not matter to you if you do or do not?
I think you'll find there's quite a few examples and discussions around here of relationships that function without veto power as such, but rely on the members ability to communicate. And perhaps more importantly a level of trust in those involved to respect the opinions/feelings of those involved to act in the best interest of the existing relationships. I think GS spoke to that above.

There's also a good thread on some of that thought process here:
Relationships without prescriptions
Although some of it can be fuzzy for some people looking in from the POV of an established relationship, it's well worth looking into.
“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” - Chinese Proverb

-Imaginary Illusion

How did I get here & Where am I going?
Reply With Quote