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Old 09-15-2013, 11:13 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Originally Posted by AllDayEveryDay View Post
I feel like I am getting a lot of how this is going to fail and not a lot on how I could make it work.
Its like going to a site about being married and asking about divorce. You will get people who won't support your methods. You aren't even non-monogamous yet, you are simply getting information. Take everything you get here as just info. Find other similar sites and start building your own opinions and needs.

I honestly would like some supportive advice on how to make all of this work.
Don't have pre-conceived notions about how poly-anything works. What your are describing could be akin to closed swinging or.. even poly depending on the grouping you follow. Try not to build expectations around the relationships you or your partners get into.

The trick to all of it is to make sure you stay respectful of those involved and stay true to yourself. If those come into conflict, be true to yourself.

Another book to try is opening up. I connected with it more since poly was only a part of my non-monogamy. The book itself is about every non-monogamous, and isn't wrapped around a bunch of .. hippy dippy stuff. For the record, I enjoy casual sex with partners but did realize that I could love them. I was what would be considered a swinger for almost 7 years before I fell into poly.

You do eventually stop feeling like you are cheating. It takes some time but it does eventually happen as long as there is trust between you and your SO.

Being poly.. moving from what was close to swinging was a brutal experience for me. It was months of re-evaluating. Fucking other people wasn't a problem but loving more than one really kicked me where it hurt. We worked through it, talking a lot, started dating and had a really important relationship in my life. One that was sexual and loving without my wife. That jump and learning curve really .. helped.

I don't have the negative feelings towards swinging and controlling emotional attachment. People can do it, and people can succeed quite well (I know many in amazingly long term fullfilling relationships). If thats what you want. It takes work, and the ability to cut cords when shit happens. This site isn't really built around that line of thinking however. (I forget the swining forum I used to visit so really can't help)

In the end you seem to be heading towards non-monogamy. There are lots of variations of a theme that work, just depends on the people involved. Don't build expectations or have restrictions you can't maintain. Even within yourself.
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