Came to a realization last night. While at my show was talking to a couple of friends on how I'm doing (one who heard about things the day after it happened, one who just found out last night and was in shock). Those talks (both of which had me break down slightly which is just proof I know I'm not ready to move on) got me thinking and on the way back I shared my realization with Woodsmith.
Seven and Lamian's relationship is never going to be at an okay place for him and I to get back together. One thing I realized is that they have both done the whole "relationship broken, add more people". Lamian started seeing Darkeyes because her and Seven were fighting daily. Seven started seeing Peaseblossum because he and Lamian were separated. Hell, Seven started seeing me when they were still having near daily fights and she was never home. And even though we were happy together (my one friend comment when I was telling her about the message he sent me when I was concerned about him that we are probably soul mates) that he's so afraid of what might happen to Lamian to let it happen. They've been together 10 years and both of them are too scared to possibly not be together cause they don't know how then to look at their problems and possibly fall apart because of them. What ever communication/relationship issues they are having are not ever going to be addressed because if they are, then they may not be able to figure out how to fix them. And since that's a big part of what would need to be done for him and I to get together it won't happen.
And I can't wish that things blow up (which is probably the only way we'd be able to get together again) because that would mean that he's not doing good then. And I wouldn't want to see him hurt that way just for us to be together.
What sucks I know that they still aren't good. They can act okay around people but he still has many complaints about Lamian and Darkeyes. I know that he's told her at least 3 times that she needs to choose between them but nothing even comes of it so I know they'll just going to keep going in this circle.
I'm still completely in love with him, will probably always love him, and he'll always be incredibly dear and deep in my heart. But my feelings don't matter in this case and even though I'd bend over backwards to be with him, it won't happen.
Woodsmith: My husband
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
N8: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: N8 girlfriend
Ruby: Part of the Leather Family
Logan: Leather Sir in the Family
Arc: Logan's boy
Holly: Leather family
K: Holly's sub