Originally Posted by Magdlyn
Whew, wow. You are asking a lot of your husband, by falling in love with and making him live with his ex wife. And he is certainly in a strange place, fucking his ex so she won't leave YOU!
Wow. He and she broke up for a reason. Or reasons. Now you want to love and fuck her, and you want HER kids with you, so your husband has to fuck her.... She wants that. Just loving you and fucking you isn't enough for her.
If you insist he does NOT have to fuck her so she will stay... and he stops, and she leaves, why does she have to then take her kids and move "across the country?" If she loves you, why can't she get a place in town, to continue being near YOU, to let the kids be with their half siblings? Does she love you really? Why would she leave YOU if her ex told her he just doesn't feel sexual chemistry for her anymore?
There are billions of women in the world. Why did you choose to fall in love with and have move in the woman your husband divorced?
Well, we both wanted the kids here with us, but we couldn't take the kids from her because we can't prove her unfit. We had both agreed to do what it takes to get the kids here with us. We both agreed to move her in with us, but had planned originally to get her a place of her own down here. It wasn't actually supposed to turn out as it did. He introduced her and I. I guess he thought it would be a civil or platonic friendship between all involved. Originally he and I had wanted to have this with anyone else but her. So, we got her down here and it ended up she wanted us both. She and I clicked. He and her are civil and DO care for one another, but more her than him. He decided he would do what it takes to keep the kids here, which means to have to be involved with her as she wants. The kids would go across country because that is where she is from and her family is as well. We wouldn't be able to legally keep the kids while she left without a drawn out court battle.
I've thought about having her get her own place nearby so he doesn't have to deal with being with her when he is home (he only comes home for 1 week every 5 to 9 weeks because of his job) but he knows it won't be good for the kids because she stresses easily and they don't listen to her much. They do better with me and I'm more level headed. So, we both decided to keep her with us in the house.
I never expected to fall for her, it just happened. So, technically I didn't choose to fall for my husband's ex. He is okay with it though. So when you say I'm MAKING him, that offends me. I'm not MAKING him do anything. He is choosing to do it and we BOTH agreed to it. He just has it in his head that I have to have her here to be happy because he is afraid that if his kids are taken away it will devastate me...which it will...but it will devastate him more because they are his biological kids. He and I BOTH want his kids to grow up with ours since they are half-siblings. I never got to grow up with mine and he never got to grow up with his. So, neither of us are close to our siblings due to that.
It is a complicated situation, but please do not insinuate that I am making him do things he does not want to do. He chooses to do things for whatever reasons that are his own. If he wants to cut things off with her totally, then that is okay with me. I will survive and support him with it. He is my "primary" so to speak. My marital bonds are with him, not her. I have promises towards him, not her. We will find other ways to get to see the kids if it ends up that way....
So, I didn't ask advice to be accused of forcing anyone into anything. I was asking in order to find ways to help them get past whatever issues they have so we can all be happy together to benefit each other and the kids. I was merely trying to explain his reasons that are his own and that he sees it as in his head.