Originally Posted by gorgeouskitten
are you reading and researching while you wait? Especially with jealousy, books on non-monogamy can be very helpful. I feel "the ethical slut" has a great chapter on jealousy, also morethantwo.com has great articles too. if its what you really want, get educated and bring it back up when you think you can. There are always reasons not to,but it becomes difficult to ignore your own needs.
It might just be me, but ive never felt regret being with my boyfriend sexually because im married to someone else, especially knowing that J knows way lays any guilt. If you feel you have some moral compass to overcome, thats something you can do by researching for your own self discovery. I came to poly by realizing i just wanted more, i love more, i want to be physical more, we dealt with all the baggage as it came
I've done quite a bit of reading off and on over the last 6 months or so. I think I've read just about everything on morethantwo. I'll check out "The Ethical Slut". Do you have any other recommendations? More than anything though, I think for us, talking about it and waiting a while...then coming back to it again has widened the door little by little. For example, one of my best friends is a female who is a co-worker. My wife used to think that she had the hots for me but she doesn't care anymore. She knows that we go to lunch and text and stuff. I suppose 'time' is what's helped somewhat. Two years ago, I would have freaked at the idea of my wife seeing another man or woman. Now, it's not as big of a deal so there are at least mental baby steps. I agree about what you say about ignoring needs though. I just can't explain it but I get these burning desires just thinking about what it would be like to be with another woman. I suppose that's just genetic coding and evolution at work underneath it all.
The personal guilt will just take some time. It’s definitely a tight rope to walk balancing what I want, my own guilt, what my wife thinks, etc. Through it all though, we both realize that humankind should have the option to explore love beyond the shackles of a marriage. I use the work shackles not because I feel trapped married to my wonderful wife, but because it’s a societal norm that is preached to us over our lifetimes.