View Single Post
Old 09-14-2013, 10:04 AM
Eponine Eponine is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 125

Originally Posted by lemondrops View Post
Thank you all for replying, but you have misunderstood a very important thing. These two rules are not mine. I did not come out with these and he did not have to agree on them. We BOTH discussed them and some of these rules are more his than mine, especially the "no strangers" one. So the problem is that if these are our rules, what is the matter? I of course understand that asking such things limits the amount of people who you can date with, but I would not ask such a thing if he was against it, the thing is that was the first one to come up with it. So this makes it more difficult for me to understand why I sometimes have to feel guilty.
Maybe he thought it would be easy to stick to the rules at first, but found it difficult in practice. Since you wouldn't insist on these rules if he was against them, why can't you two have a talk and re-negotiate the rules?

Also, I think there needs to be a solid reason for every rule. When either of you suggests a rule, ask yourselves: What purpose will this rule serve? Can it be achieved through a better way? Personally I think most (if not all) of the common rules in poly relationships (such as "only dating mutual friends," "no oral/vaginal/whatever sex," and "no overnight stays") can be replaced with better communication and soul-searching, which would lead to healthier relationships for everyone involved.
Heteroromantic asexual female, sex-positive, childfree, relationship anarchist.
Married to G, and in a partially non-romantic, completely non-sexual and long-distance triad with A and L.
Reply With Quote