I'm Pienata and I'm a 22-year-old girl from the Netherlands. For a long time I haven't believed in monogamy, but I did believe in honesty, keeping promises and not deliberately hurting one's partner. Therefore I have led a monogamous life with my former boyfriends.
Since a little over one year I've been dating my current boyfriend/partner, M. From the beginning this has been an open relationship, this came naturally to us, so I was very happy to find a partner who was more similar to me in terms of relationship values. It was, however, open in the sexual sense. I do believe in polyamory in the sense of being capable of truly loving more than one person, but M. is polysexual (is that even a word?) at most.
A few weeks ago I met T. I don't know him very well just yet but I've been smitten from the start. M. and T. have actually met for a short while when nothing had happened between me and T. yet. They seem to get along quite well.
When something happened between me and T., I didn't dare to tell M. right away, even though we usually tell eachother about any sexual escapades we may have. I was a little troubled by the fact that I felt so much for T. already, and was afraid M. would not be amused.
About a week later I confessed that I might be falling in love with T. The reaction given by M. could be narrowed down to: "Falling in love can happen. It's a good thing you told me, but actually I already knew (I hadn't been entirely silent about T., either, but we were supposedly "friends"
). Do with it as you please, but take care because you could hurt three people."
As to what exactly would hurt M., he can't really tell me in advance. It seems that he doesn't mind me exploring this thing with T., but he wants to feel primary at all times. I do not want to treat T. second-rate, but so far there has been little conflict of interest. This might of course change as my relationship with T. changes/develops.
Since this is the first time for me in such a situation, any tips for poly-relationship maintenance are welcome, and I signed up to learn from similar situations.
My current and most burning question at this point is: M. an T. have met once and seemed to get along, before anything else happened. Both of them would feel a little awkward (though not sad/angry) around eachother at this point. I would really love to see them get to know eachother better and, in an ideal world, become friends, but I don't want to push it. Personalitywise I would say it's not a problem, they seem to be eachother's type (in the friendly sense of the word, not the romantic/sexual as they're both straight), but with the situation being new for all of us, there's something a little awkward about it. T. especially feels a little guilty towards M., and M., though not truly worried, is mildly suspicious of T.
As for me, when I do get to spend time with both together, how to make sure both are comfortable and how to properly allocate my attention without making anyone feel bad?