Thread: Arabella's Aria
View Single Post
Old 09-13-2013, 10:34 AM
Arabella's Avatar
Arabella Arabella is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Location: U.S. Midwest
Posts: 30
Thumbs up Successful Communication!

My goodness, a lot has happened since last I updated. Let's see, where do thing stand right now?

DH and D2 are in love. Or love each other or some such. She's kinda emotionally immature from my perspective and also DH's and I think it was her that actually admitted it in the first place. That isn't really a concern of mine, though. He's dating her, not me.

And now she's pregnant. No, its not my husband's, its HER husband's, and it was planned. DH and her completely abstained from intercourse when she went off the pill and started taking fertility drugs because neither of them wanted there to be ANY doubt as to the parentage of the child. This is very important right now because her husband STILL DOESN'T KNOW about the two of them.

Now, I had some pretty strong feelings about DH dating a "cheater" that have since then got turned upside down and then back around again. DH and D2's plan was to encourage D2's husband to start dating (plan: successful) and then gradually reveal that D2 and DH were dating, but still hide the fact that they already had been. Yeah, good luck with that, was my opinion. No seriously, good luck, because I honestly want him to be happy, but I mean... c'mon. Really? I told him that I hoped that D2's husband would find a date on OKC, be comfortable in his polyship and then completely accept D2's love for my husband, and whatever else, before D2 becomes pregnant, so that my husband can freely go see her when she's on the bed rest stage of the ensuing 9 months.

So, yeah. Hasn't happened yet. But then again, she's probably only 4-6 weeks pregnant. Still... Good luck.

For me, I am still with Mr. C. We were physically intimate around the end of July, and even then he was iffy about being in the mood. Which is fine, of course. However since then he's been in such a funk, I have no idea what to do for him. I tried to do exactly just what he said he needed, which was remind him that he was loved and appreciated, and help him with things to look forward to, like showing extreme enthusiasm for the game he was developing. He's still out-of sorts, though.

Pretty proud of us, though, for how we handled the newest bump in our relationship. Mr. C and I are gamers, and we have a group of friends that we've known since high school, and in the case of some of us, since grade school. A few of us have decided that we'd like to try our hand at playing D&D. We have had several starts at it, having trouble with people that couldn't commit, changes in who wants to DM and who wants to just play a character, etc. But we've been having fun. Mr
C. told me some time last year, that one thing he really enjoyed about the whole thing was that it was something that he and I could share together. I was happy about this.

Well. 'couple weeks ago, he mentioned that for various reasons, his wife might want to join our group. At first, I thought it was a great idea. I liked her as a person, and I knew she had extensive experience with gaming in general, if not that particular type. Plus, it might be a good thing to have another actual female in the dynamic besides myself and my best friend, K.

However, when it came time to start that, I was hit with a wave of emotion. Now his wife was 'invading' something that Mr. C. and I shared. Since he ALSO hasn't seemed interested in sharing in physical intimacy with me recently and has been with his wife, I was concerned he was trying to just replace me in his life in general with his wife. NOW, he would talk with her about it, go to the sessions with her, not me, and generally have her around. My relationship with my metamour E, Mr. C's. wife, has always been pleasant, but neither of us have had desire for it to be more than that. I respect her greatly, and she also respects my relationship with Mr. C. When we're together in a large group, the three of us simply exude that mutual respect for the triad, and we all usually end up happy.

However, this was going to be different. I explained my discomfort to Mr. C. He was understanding and we tried to figure out what to do. All three of us, actually. At one point, E asked Mr. C. If maybe she SHOULDN'T join the group, if was going to strain things. She offered to just drop the whole idea. I was touched and grateful for her offer. Reading a lot more of this site enabled me to really own my own feelings. I told Mr.C. that I didn't think taking something AWAY from anyone would help things, but rather being conscious of adding TO our relationships would be key. I felt like "our thing" was being taken away, but if he and I could make sure we actively work towards having something else that's "our thing," then I could be confident and secure of things. This in place, E attended our next session, and both her and Mr. C. as well as he and I were able to be together with minimal tension (everyone in this small gaming group is aware of and accepts our arrangement to one degree or another. Its really our only quasi-public place we can be together comfortably, which I think was part of my sudden anxiety at having it 'taken away') and then she was able to fully play a (different) game or two with the full group, which also helped everyone become comfortable with this new arrangement, even our friends (who no doubt wondered how we all would be behaving now, at least, as far as they understood things.

So! Despite me missing our physical intimacy a lot, things are firmly in the comfortable zone with me and Mr. C. Pretty proud how open communication and mutual respect worked together on this issue (of mine.). And now Mr. C. gets to spend quality time with his wife (which he admitted that he had been missing recently) as well as with me without shortchanging anyone, and E, my metamour and I can possibly develop a little more of a friendship. Yeah, so this is actually a win-win-win situation, now. Yay! Successful Open and Ethical Non-Monogamy!

Which seems to e the COMPLETE opposite of how thongs are going (or perhaps even NOT going??) with me and M. But that deserves its own entry. Ugh.

TL;DR: Dear Husband and his new gf, D2 are happily in love. D2 and her husband (who doesn't know about her and DH) are pregnant. Mr. C.'s wife, E, is joining us in a mutual, non-sexual group activity and I'm proud of how the three of us openly communicated about things to minimize tension. Not feeling so great about my relationship with M, will explain more next entry.
~Arabella's Aria~

Arabella - Me, 36, female
DH - Arabella's Husband, 36, male
S, DH's new relationship, 35, female
Mr. C. - Arabella's boyfriend, 35, male, married to E
E - Mr. C's wife, 35, female

Last edited by Arabella; 09-13-2013 at 10:45 AM.
Reply With Quote