I've certainly got myself into a predicament. Things with Lobe are very good
. We're not popping the "I love you"s (just doesn't feel right) but we have talked about feelings. We lust after, like and feel love for each other... We're a bit obsessed... Okay, we've got it bad.
And I leave in just over three weeks.
What will this be like, with the complication of distance? Me being back with my two longer-term partners?
No idea, but I look forward to finding out! Will be some heartache, I'm guessing. I'm gonna miss him. He's gonna miss me. Ah. But worth it.
Grotto's visit was great. Pretty mellow, we didn't get too crazy. It was nice to spend time like we had time to burn. Not rushing trying to maximise the experience. He was here for three days. On the Monday we actually just worked side-by-side on our separate projects. It's this I miss the most, I think. Steady heart-rate, simply being in each other's presence. Oh, the frantic pulsations are great too
But yeah... to Just Be is quite a bedrock for me.
One night he was here, Grotto and I met up with Lobe. A few drinks, some food. It was okay. Not bad. A bit awkward. Guess this takes some teething. Lobe was quite stand-off-ish but I understand. Grotto remembers being in Lobe's position, from way-back-when when Grotto, Ocean and I started meeting up the three of us. It's a weird thing, to be affectionate with someone in front of their other partner, if all this is new to you. You don't know what's appropriate, you don't know how you feel like expressing... it takes time to experience and process. Grotto was also less affectionate towards me, which made sense. I managed to hang back and not get impatient (omg can we just roll into bed already?!) The meeting was civilised, didn't end too late, Lobe went home to his place and Grotto came back to mine. (Maybe next time...?)
Ocean's back in our home country visiting his folks. Was Djuna's birthday yesterday, and he took her a small birthday parcel from me. She's visiting next month! We're going camping
. I'm amped
Plinth's birthday later this month, too. Wanna take him out on a date; just gotta figure out what and when. Grotto and I have been talking about taking him out sometime together, maybe foolin around again. The few threesomes we had were decadent. Guess all of this stuff has been on the back burner because of the long-distance aspect.
I was thinking the other day that the places in my life feature a lot in my story. I have several cubbyholes around the globe where I've left the various horcruxes of my heart.
My parents (and 99 year old grandma!) are in one country. My ethnic roots are there, and one city in particular is drawing me back there in the next few years, I feel.
My brothers are in another country.
Ocean, Grotto and I grew up in another. (Djuna lives there now, and Lobe's also from there. Ocean's parents and brother live there too.)
Ocean's cultural background is from another country again, and his
elderly grandma and other extended family are there. We visit when we can.
At the moment, we're in yet another country, in two cities. Ocean & Grotto in one city (where Plinth lives), and me in another (where Lobe lives).
I wish this was all based in the European continent, where you can pretty much wander over to other places! But I'm talking mostly the Asia/Pacific region here, and it's long distance air travel between almost all these countries. Bugger.
On the topic of Europe, though, there are places I visited while travelling there that I'd love to go back to. I pretty much fell in love with Dresden, and cried to leave. Here's wishin'...
I also have unfinished bizniz in the States - partly because there's so much of it! But also I have this feeling that loitering in the TN or TX/NM region is something I should do for a few months, at some point. Just a hunch.
Seems my life is settling down though (?) Haha. I mean more, hmm, building lives together with other people rather than being so much of a footloose solo traveller.
If I manage to contain myself sufficiently, rather than spread myself thin, this is all going to work out. I feel like, no matter what happens, it's going to be good. Fuck yeah, life is for the embracing. Go well, my friends