Originally Posted by london
I have a child, yes. A child that I wouldn't dream of involving in my adult romantic relationships of any kind for at least a year of dating someone. So yeah, in your situation, I'd probably stick to swinging, date people who can host, or go to hotels. I believe in quality couple time. I have my own very large and loud extended family to spend time with, it seems bizarre to leave my family to go and spend time with someone else's grandkids. I want my free time to be filled with adult company, bonding and filthy sex. I have my own kid to build tents with. I don't want those kind of entwined relationships with metamours particularly in the early dating stage - especially whilst I am still deciding how I feel about the guy, and I believe that kids shouldn't be involved in their parents adult relationships at all for months and months and months. So altogether, that whole set up is everything I am fundamentally against in polyamory. Thanks though, it gives me another angle to investigate what expectations any married or attached guys have in terms of allowing us to develop an adult romantic and/or sexual relationship. I simply couldn't under those sorts of conditions.
London - this is your choice, your belief and how you want involvement in your son's life (shrug) nothing wrong with that. At the same time, nothing wrong in how LR & her family operate either (or anyone else's). It's her choice and what works for her.
Personally I'm about in the middle of both your choices. And prior to moving to where we now live, my kids met all our friends. They made attachments to a few of my husband's best friends (really loved seeing them etc ) and since our move we don't see them much (once in last two years ). Are my kids suffering or asking why T doesn't love seeing us anymore? No, they have not. They know changes happen in their lives, friends come and go. They also know the most important thing: both their father and I love them infinitely and we'll always be here for them. They are well grounded, don't fear new friends and are growing up to be well rounded individuals. They have stability even if the people we allow in their lives end up being unstable.
My point is each of us as parents are the foundation for the health and happiness of our kids no matter how many x, y & Z's come into their life or not. And that how each of us chooses to live our poly lives is exactly that, our choice, our right and our individual opinions. To keep trying to tell someone they are wrong is ridiculous (unless their children are getting abused mentally, physically or sexually).