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Old 09-12-2013, 04:50 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,863

Originally Posted by london View Post
See here, what would you expect him to do if things did cross a line? Would he have spoken for you?
Not exactly sure where you are going with this but, yes, if things were heading to "out of hand" then he most certainly would have spoken for me - we are friends. Friends help keep friends from getting into trouble/making bad mistakes.

Ultimately, I am responsible for my own behavior. BUT, if I make a mistake in judgement and get myself into a situation where I am too fucked up to be responsible for myself (or too physically weak/small to extricate myself from a situation) then he, as my friend, would do what it took to keep me safe (as I would do the same for him - except that I am not physically strong enough to toss him over my shoulder and put him in the car and drive him home).

Having a "minder" is a back-up plan in case I make a mistake. (Although, to be honest, as a friend-not-partner, it would be really rude of me to put him in this position - so I am likely to be a LOT more careful than if I was with MrS or Dude.)

Originally Posted by london View Post
See, if I went somewhere with my Daddy and was playing with other people, I'd want to stay in sub mode so he would be the one to stop the Great Unwashed clawing at me. Our dynamic means that he says what goes, especially when we are together, so he would be the one to enforce my boundaries. I'd prefer that though I would speak up if he didn't.

The thing about power exchanges is that it means one person does belong, is answerable, to the other. She isn't 'his' girl, she is his girl.... That's not to say everyone expresses their dynamic in that way, but what happened there really isn't unusual or particularly full on.
And this is the type of thing that I am observing and learning from. I am also noticing what my reaction is to these situations and what my preferences are. Which is why I think that this not "unusual or particularly full on" events are a good introduction for people that are just looking into kink for the first time?

Originally Posted by london View Post
If that concept makes you uncomfortable than yes, keep it vanilla or with unattached people.
And my point is that I didn't know it would make me uncomfortable until I was presented with the situation (since I have no a priori objection on a theoretical level). And is my discomfort because this is all new or because I have a fundamental issue because of underlying assumptions that I have about how relationships and sexuality work? For me, going to these "soft kink" "newbie friendly" events is a way to understand both the lifestyle and my responses.

So I went, I observed, I dipped my toes in the water and I had a little insight into myself. Which I wanted to discuss with my partner. Who had a reaction that felt out of proportion to what I was saying - which puzzled me.

Everyone's responses have been helpful in helping me gain new perspective.
Thank you.

Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (6+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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