Originally Posted by classycaveman
I'm reading this thread with great interest. So far, from your descriptions, this guy you're with has my respect, but not the slightest bit of my trust. He seems to know how to get exactly what he wants from you when he wants it. He doesn't seem to know how to give you exactly what you need when you need it, or if he does, he only gives it to you as he sees fit...
Does this sound right? (I hope I'm wrong.)
Unfortunately, that's exactly right. Something he admitted to in the second letter he gave me tonight. He has been "faking it" as we have identified it. Making it seem as though he's met my needs (respect, comfort, support) when he really has not. And yes for the past several months I've felt like he's been acting this way because something was going on with him (I'm blamed it on me being poly) and so I focused on what I could do to improve our relationship. I thought I was doing the right thing. Accepting that I have no control over him and that with time he would see that I'm completely dedicated to making it work and he would join me. He didn't until I voiced that I was spent and couldn't accept this anymore. I let him get away with it for too long. should have stood up for myself as soon as I saw what was going on. I am truly hurt. I feel betrayed. I feel like my love for him was used against me. I feel like my heart was mishandled and I don't trust him with it.
It will be a long time before I feel safe enough to trust him again. It will take a lot of action on his part. I need to see things happening.
He says he's working on it. the first step for him is pouring out everything. Dropping all facades. Getting real about what's been going on and being honest about any and all manipulation. Because I need to see that he knows what he's been doing. I need him to admit that he's been bending me to his will. He did tonight and I didn't ask for it which is a real BIG deal for me.
I can honestly say while I don't trust him, there's something in my bones... There's something in my boyfriend's bones telling us that my fiance is heartfelt. This is not his bag of tricks. We shall see if it sticks.