Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat
People don't change if they don't have to.
What's his motivation to change if you keep enabling him?
You're sending him the message "it's ok to lie to me because I'll forgive you."
You're sending your daughter the message "Women should stay with people who lie and hurt them."
If she ends up with a husband who beats her, do you really want her prevalent lesson of families to be
How many times would you watch her come over with a black eye before questioning this lesson? How many times would you take your grandkids to the hospital with bones that her husband broke before wishing you had taught her to put herself and her children first?
I answered about my daughter in my response to ceoli. This is my last attempt and Im not even attempting yet. I am taking the time I need for myself before I even think of it. And she will be retaught. I was clear that I am aware of what I am teaching her. I'm not making one single excuse of oh we don't fuss in front of her. I know what I heard as a child from behind closed doors (yelling not physical) and I know that I resented my mother not my father. I know this is one of the reasons I stayed with an abusive husband for as long as did because it was "normal" to me. But also know my mother didn't change and she didn't stand up for herself. She didn't sit me down and tell me that this is not the way things are supposed to be. I have been having very deep talks with my daughter where she has expressed much resentment and I made a promise to her last tuesday that changes for the better are happening and we don't know what those changes are just yet but they are coming because THIS IS NOT OKAY.
He is no longer enabled by me. did enable and make excuses for him. I blamed it on my coming out as poly and then I stopped being stupid. I gave him a choice to stay and love me for me or to leave. Not an ultimatum. A take me as I am. I didn't say stay and treat me as less than. I grew my pair and he has more than just me to be accountable to. He is not forgiven. I am going to try or hear him out, but as I said before there is absolutely no more blind faith.