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Old 02-23-2010, 05:15 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Originally Posted by River View Post
No, seriously! I'm curious in a broad and general way about how people think about friends and friendship.

What makes for a good friendship?
Friendship for me means honesty. Communication. And I find most important of all, the ability for it to be a two way relationship.

I am having difficulties with our ex, claiming to be my very best friend, but she won't open up about things. She expects me to but won't give that back.

How long does it take to become truly close friends?
Close...too variable for me to answer. Good friends, I can usually tell within a couple of meetings if someone can be a friend...or even a potential lover. Both are separate but are tied very closely.

How does non-romantic / sexual friendship compare and contrast with romantic and sexual relationships?
Not enough experience in this. Unfortunately most times I have had a sexual relationship, it turned romantic, even for a short time.

What is this whole "intimacy" thing?
Intimacy for me is hard to define but I know when it is happening. Some of my most recent intimate moments were in the morning waking up with our ex and having her touch my hand, asking about scars, me rubbing her feet, touching the small of her back, smelling her hair.

With my wife it is the same but different, as there really isn't exploration left, we can be intimate simply snuggling on the sofa, holding hands in the chair, touching each others legs.

How important is friendship to me/you ... and why?
If you had asked me 6 months ago, I would have said it isn't. I thought I could live without friendship. However, try going through a period where all of your friends suddenly leave town, you loose a lover to friendship and you are simply left by yourself in a world of acquaintances (my wife was with me, but that relationship is altogether different). Friendship to me in important, very important. That connection that carries you through the tough times that your spouse may not be able to. The alternate to talk to, to spend time with...

I will say this, friendship for me is a single edged sword. I find the word...almost negative coming from a womens mouth I am interested in. This is something I have to work with and understand, but hearing the dreaded words "you are a friend" is basically like seeing a door slam in my face. In my world growing up, when you hear that, any potential relationship beyond friendship is done. While I am friends with lots of women, and love them in their own ways, I am also rarely interested in women. I know I have to get past it and I am trying, but it still stings emotionally.
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