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Old 02-23-2010, 05:11 PM
River's Avatar
River River is offline
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
Posts: 2,164

Thanks, Mono- and Breathes-.

When I look back at my personal history of friendships, I realize that I have not been--until more recently--particularly good at forming loving friendship bonds--which differ, of course, from "buddies" with whom I'd do stuff like play pool, go on bicycle rides, go camping or hiking.... You can have such a buddy who is also a close friend, but more often I think I have mostly had buddies.

Part of it may have to do with the pattern established in childhoood as a result of moving around a lot, leaving my friends behind. Sometimes, I'd occasionally get together with an old friend with whom I was especially close. His mother or father would drive him the long distance to visit and stay a night, then away they'd go and I wouldn't see him again for a long while. Those connections grew weaker over time and I wouldn't easily make new friends.

Part of my challenge with friendship probably has to do with my having been a shy, introverted kid with poor self-esteem largely related to some abuse and neglect from my parents. Mother was abusive at times. Dad just wasn't interested in or capable of being close with me in the way I would have liked--most of the time. Healing from all of that took a long time -- to have come as far in healing as I have. But I still tend to have some sorts of challenges about forming close friendship bonds.

I have friends, and they very in the degree of intimacy and tenderness shared and felt. Sometimes friends have moved far away, and I have not kept up contact by phone or email or mail. One person I consider a close friend hardly ever calls or stops by, though I call from time to time and stop by now and then. But when we *are* together, he's quite affectionate and close -- even though we have a tendency to "bump heads" (argue) about this and that. Some of my friends I only see when I happen to find them at a cafe I frequent.

Many years ago, some stuff happened that severely wounded my capacity for trusting. That's been healing, has healed a lot. Maybe there will always be a scar in that place?

I "met" someone in this very forum almost a year ago with whom I've (we've) developed what seems to me a remarkable and very close friendship -- though he lives way over on the other side of the Atlantic, in England. Soon after we "met" in here we began "talking" to each other via gmail chat (live chat) pretty much every day for months, except for a few breaks while he was away at a meditation retreat or some such thing. We still "talk" in Gmail chat a lot -- perhaps averaging two or three times a week. We often go on for hours! or at least an hour. He's planning to fly over here come late summer ... and we're planning to go on a backpacking trip together, and spend lots of time together.

The funny thing is, this guy in England I've never met face-to-face is probably my closest friend! Apart from Kevin, my life-partner with whom I live. It's rather strange to feel and in fact be so close with so many miles of ocean between us. But there is no doubt that we're close, that we love one another, and that we share an intimate bond.

Last edited by River; 02-23-2010 at 05:14 PM.
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