Thread: Wide Awake
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Old 09-11-2013, 02:06 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Location: English Rose by birth; Toorak living by choice.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
We are dissimilar in many ways (I am not demisexual - for instance - I'm sexually attracted to lots of people - but sexual interest does not translate to romantic interest for me) but what you wrote here did resonate with me. I have been "in love" exactly twice in my life - the first time was my husband, and then, 19 years later, with my boyfriend.
Right now, I am sexually attracted to one person, and it fascinates people. I might say someone is handsome or pretty because I appreciate their beauty like a piece of art, but the hormones are like flat lined. That was the disconnect with my ex. I loved her, but I was no longer in love with her. Thus the desire for anything physical exited the premises. Online dating, one night stands, and FWBs would never work for me either. The conditions have to be right for the possibility of feelings to occur, and I am


Quote:
From my standpoint this might be fine advice for some people and lousy advise for others. Some people seem to be at a total loss as to what to do with themselves if their partner isn't there (for ANY reason - dates, work, etc.) This is a totally foreign concept to me. I can't ever possibly imagine ever being "bored" - I've got 8 million things that I enjoy doing (by myself) that I never have time for...the boys were gone for a 3-week road-trip and, while I missed them personally, it wasn't as though I didn't have anything to DO.
Absolutely. It might be excellent advice for some. I just do not feel at loss when I am by myself. I can find ways to occupy my time. With children, I always have something to do and keep me on my toes. Matt was out last night. I finished the laundry, unloaded the dishwasher, paid some bills, got school clothes ready, took a bubble bath, had a glass of wine, and enjoyed a Criminal Minds marathon. I was enjoying my "me" time, so I really did not miss him. Alone time was lacking

My daughter is in school, and my son is in a nursery for a portion of the week, so I have all day to do what I want in my off time. I can finish household work early in the morning after I drop them off, and I am free until about 3. So if I want to eat grapes, watch Bold and the Beautiful, and walk around with rollers, I can do it.


Quote:
"Get a new partner" advice for a mono (or asexual/aromantic person) is clearly asinine. But you would have to know that about them already. For me the "get a new partner" advice is shaky on a different level - if your relationship is undergoing growing pains because your partner has added someone else...it seems prudent to wait until things have settled down before adding another person to the mix. (Dude and I were together for 2 years, past the NRE, the three of us well-adjusted to living together before he started "actively" looking to date someone else - it's going really well!)

JaneQ
It is shaky advice for that reason and many others. I would not want a person to be a time filler or distraction for growing pains. It seems rather unfair to bring another person in because their partner is out with someone else. I would implore people to date people because they want to and not out of obligation or attempting to level the playing field.

I am glad things are working out well with Dude and his dating ventures. That was a smart way of dealing with it, and I am sure it has made things significantly easier. I love happy news!
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