Thread: Wide Awake
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Old 09-11-2013, 01:10 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,692

Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
I am a demisexual. I have only been in love five times, and with each of the times, the friendships had been established for a long time. Three were before DH. Only ONE (Si) was after him. Those connections do not happen all the time, so telling me to go find another partner would never work. If I had never met Si, I would never have gotten in to another relationship. I say that with certainty because I do not seek relationships or love. I am asexual and aromantic towards everyone outside of my spouse, which is why giving up the life I was living all those years was easy. 18 years and only 5 connections? The odds of it happening again were next to none because the last time it happened was 13 years ago.
We are dissimilar in many ways (I am not demisexual - for instance - I'm sexually attracted to lots of people - but sexual interest does not translate to romantic interest for me) but what you wrote here did resonate with me. I have been "in love" exactly twice in my life - the first time was my husband, and then, 19 years later, with my boyfriend.

Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
... I bloody hate when people tell people who miss their spouses, dread overnights, etc. to take up a hobby, get a life, get a new partner, read a book, find a support group, lose weight, work on themselves, deal with their shit, and the list goes on.
From my standpoint this might be fine advice for some people and lousy advise for others. Some people seem to be at a total loss as to what to do with themselves if their partner isn't there (for ANY reason - dates, work, etc.) This is a totally foreign concept to me. I can't ever possibly imagine ever being "bored" - I've got 8 million things that I enjoy doing (by myself) that I never have time for...the boys were gone for a 3-week road-trip and, while I missed them personally, it wasn't as though I didn't have anything to DO.

Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
I have seen the "get a new partner" advice given to mono spouses, and I want shake the silly ninnies who suggest it. For someone like me who feels no sexual attraction to anyone unless I am in love with them, how in the world would that advice help ME?
"Get a new partner" advice for a mono (or asexual/aromantic person) is clearly asinine. But you would have to know that about them already. For me the "get a new partner" advice is shaky on a different level - if your relationship is undergoing growing pains because your partner has added someone seems prudent to wait until things have settled down before adding another person to the mix. (Dude and I were together for 2 years, past the NRE, the three of us well-adjusted to living together before he started "actively" looking to date someone else - it's going really well!)

Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (5+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic girlfriend and BFF
Lotus: "it's complicated"
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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