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Old 09-11-2013, 01:07 AM
edlr edlr is offline
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 5

I can't tell you how grateful I feel after reading your reply. Nobody until now has given me any suggestion not even remotely as good as this.

By the way P1 and I did visit a psychiatrist. The problem was the shrink we visited was in South Asia near P1's home town. And needless to say it didn't really work much(this is a place where some shrinks still think homosexuality is a disease) except for getting medicines for P1's Panic attack and my possible depression(No I am not clinically depressed). He suggested couple therapy. But P1 has been living with her folks for few months now. And P1 has severe separation anxiety and associated insecurity, which manifests as verbal abuse and constant harassment on phone through texts or calls. If I block her or refuse to answer, she will turn against P2. And threaten P2 of blowing her cover, sending emails to her work place and hubby and all that. So P2 is effectively used as a ransom, which is SICK! But in reality P1 hasn't done much damage in action so far other than by words. But as you know, words are enough to torment. And worse, whenever P2 gets harassed by P1, P2 will come back and use me as an emotional "punching bag" to vent her anger and frustration. So it's like a chain reaction. Luckily it's been all quiet for a month and a half now though...

The shrink we visited sees non-monogamous relationships as a SIN. And his personal judgement is hampering any further consultation with him. Here in East Asia, I couldn't find anyone so far due to language issues. May be I will try in South East Asia.

This brings to another interesting topic, my view on ethics and morality are quite different from the average South Asian population. I never believed in stuff like "arranged marriage"(which I consider stupid and obnoxious). I lived in with P1 for 1.5years before getting legally married, it was considered a big taboo by rest of the society. Unfortunately some of those traits of orthodoxy is shared by P1 too. And she is worried about "losing face" if we have to divorce and always blame me with questions like "Why you chose to marry me if I am not good enough for you?", "I even lived with you 1.5years before marriage and now how can you not be committed?".

What she totally misses out on is people can change and grow. And people's views can change. Especially if it was earlier on based on then existing social conventions. I no longer live in South Asia, but instead I live in a cosmopolitan and modern society. Neither I share the majority of cultural traits of the South Asian people back home, so it gets difficult when people, including licensed psychiatrists start judging based on their Social norms...

Last edited by edlr; 09-11-2013 at 01:12 AM.
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