Get a hobby, get a life, read a book, join a support group, improve yourself/deal with your own shit/stop saddling your partner with it = suck it up.
We talked about this when he got in last night. He said it never got easier, and he did it for about 12 years. At some point, he just stifled it and classified it as being accommodating and tolerant of my other relationship. (Key word being tolerant and not accepting. I would not advise any of this at all.) He told me in counselling that he often wondered if being a bachelor and divorced single father of two would be better than dealing with all of this and a career that kept me away when the other relationship did not.
Would it help if you were able to talk to your wife via text or Facetime? I am not saying she should have long drawn out conversations with you and forgo quality time with her other partner, but sometimes it helps to be able to tell the person, "Just thinking about you, missing you, I love you, or I hope you are enjoying yourself."
One of DH's biggest issues was virtually being cut off and only being able to talk to me about our children and emergencies. He wanted to respect my time with her, so the amount of contact between us was limited. This was a hard balance because there were times when I was with her that I missed the hell out of him. Would it have been appropriate to call him and tell him that while sitting in the same room as her? This has its downside, too. I have spent the past several months learning about who he is now, who he became then, and integrating the way my life used to be with the life he was living while I was gone.
Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 13 years and father of our four children.
Last edited by FullofLove1052; 09-10-2013 at 07:32 PM.