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Old 09-10-2013, 07:08 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
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Originally Posted by Coraline View Post
I don't understand the brutal approach, and would feel deeply hurt if my partner were to tell me to suck it up and deal with my own feelings on my own.
I don't hear anyone (including his spouse) being brutal and rude (telling somone to "suck it up" is pretty harsh).

What I see people suggesting is simply the reality of his situation, that his security is an "inside job". Meaning, his wife hopefully treats him with kindness and courtesy but that his feelings are his own and only he has the power to move past this.

Originally Posted by Coraline View Post
Staying overnight with a lover is not the same as staying overnight at a convention, because there's no fear of being replaced by a convention, and your wife's not giving the love and affection to the convention that you wish she were giving you. It's a silly comparison.
You missed the point of the comparison. nycindie was pretty clearly trying to ferret out the motivation of the discomfort. Is it just not being used to sleeping on his own, or is it a jealousy and fear of loss/abandonment issue?

If it were simply an issue of not wanting to be alone then how did he handle it when she went away for other (non-lover) excursions? Did he have the same difficulty?

More likely it is related to simple jealousy. There is something attached to the idea of her staying overnight which is bothering him in particular. I have seen swingers with rules about "she always comes home to me" which allows their partner to go have a fling but leaves their illusion of being the "real relationship" in tact.

I expect this is what he's feeling loss for; that she isn't coming home to him and that symbol represents the legitimacy of the relationship.

Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
So... I spent all of the first day she was away masturbating! Yes, 12 hours, only taking breaks for food and water and a short nap. hehe. It was kinda fun, and definitely distracting, but probably doesn't work for most people.
Magical !!!

Originally Posted by Spokanepoly View Post
if I was doing a hobby , I would still be missing her while I was doing that hobby :P I tried working out and while I was at the gym with my music playing, I didnt even hear the songs cause my mind was so wrapped up in the fack I knew she wasnt comming home tonight.
What is going on in your head when you are freaking yourself out?

I am skeptical that what you are focusing on is "she won't be next to me tonight", right? I mean, get a body pillow if that's the biggest of your concern. There is something else going on in there which you are obsessing on and causing you all of this grief. Is it fear that she won't come home? Fear that she will replace you? What is it that you are so worried about? What insecurity is being triggered to make you lose sleep?
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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