Climbing into bed without you.
It's hard to get myself to go to bed alone.
You'd think I'd be eager to fall asleep to get past the loneliness,
but instead I just postpone that moment of falling asleep without you there beside me.
I send you a text in the morning.
So many emotions, but I hold those back and just tell you I'm proud of you, I am;
I hope your presentation goes well.
And then I include some practical stuff...what should I take out for dinner? What time will you be home?
Your reply is to the point. Four o'clock. Chicken.
My heart aches for what wasn't there.
No good morning. No smiley face. No hugs and kisses. Something that indicates something positive from you to me. These days I'll take any small crumb.
As much as I try to keep my expectations low I find I have failed and I push down the hurt.
Messages with heart aren't sent to me from you these days.
As I was so coarsely told by a stranger, I'm the shitty part of your life. She is the good.
Petunia: 48 year old, straight, cisgender female married to Twitch
Twitch: 41 year old straight cisgender male
Shasti: Twitch's 41 year old straight cisgender girlfriend