Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit
Hello Tom and thanks for dropping in and 'your' side.
Don't lose sight of the fact that when all the counts are in, that what this is truly about is the relationship and love between your mate and yourself. Anything else is just an addition-right ?
If you can train your mind to celebrate with and for her in her explorations it will only reinforce your real love for her. And hers for you. And maybe (hopefully) by focusing on that - rather than the "hunt" and the frustration, something nice will come your way when you least expect it.
Majik happens in strange ways......
Happiness is a choice.
I hope you're right I am doing my best to be what you described and it's not been easy not even close just reading your reply made me cry again. I have cried over this subject for the last three days in a row. It's not fun I don't like it the last year of my life has been the most painful by far. If the pain does not ease soon I won't be able to continue I have told my wife this she knows. I am a big believer in balance and as far as I know my wife and I agree our relationship around our polyamoruous intentions have been and still are too far out of balance for our own relationship to work correctly. To speak to DrunkenPorcupine my sexdrive is very high my wife says higher then normal but I don't really have any comparison. My wife has also stated that she does not want to be my primary sexual outlet anymore in essence her sex drive has dropped. She also said sex is important to her "sweetie". so the way my mind works if she only has so much sex to go around then I am getting the short end of it in that regard. And that does not feel good to me. I know the way I get the most out of showing and receiving love with someone I am intimate with it through physical contact and sex is the ultimate in that expression. Sex is an important piece to all this but in no way is it the only piece and it is not even the biggest. I truly want a meaningful relationship with my wife and with a poly. At this point I don't know if I am truly built to be a poly. It was hard enough for me to find my wife I never thought I would be going through this again. And now I am doing it while raising our children and having to learn how to have compersion for her other relationship. It has not been easy. I like to think that lower lows mean higher highs and this process has taken me incredibly low.
I wrote this as a pure reaction, I just wanted to say what was/is on my mind... if I waited and wrote it after more processing it my sound and feel different... I don't know.