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Old 09-10-2013, 06:10 AM
edlr edlr is offline
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 5
Default A wierd V and Poly Blues

last Part Hope the mods approve it.. Continuing....

That brings us to me and my paranoia. I have borderline OCD when it comes to germs. So when it comes to body-fluids/fluid-bonding; I want my partner to be clean and exclusive. Since I wouldn’t have any control over any third-party’s hygiene and/or risk profile; I cannot let my partners that I fluid-bond with anyone other than me or each other. So that leaves me with no other option but to be always in closed-relationships. Poly or not. P1 never had a boyfriend or even anyone emotionally or physically intimate with other than me. P2, had 3 relationships in the past, where 3rd one is her current husband. But she had physical intimacy only with her husband and me. So P2’s risk profile was pretty decent, and made a substantial impact, when I decided to pursue a relationship with her. P2 doesn’t have physical relationship with her “acting” husband anymore, and she is exclusive to me. We also did a two round(second round was to reaffirm after the detection window) of thorough STI and STD blood work even before deep kissing 

Yeah I know I am a freak, but it serves me well. I never had a NSA or ONS in my life, and I never will. Casual sex is not my thing, not because of pseudo-moralistic reasons but because of my heavy reservations. And P2 always comply with my OCD/Paranoia, so does P1. No I am not like the “Nat Geo” type OCD sufferer. But some basic ground rules are good enough for me, like changing dress after visiting clinics, hand-washing when entering house, not to jump on the bed with a dress that you wore while taking public transport etc. And both P1 and P2 do comply to these(at least when I am around)

Ok that brings us to the questions and my dilemma. Please be brutally honest with your opinions.

1) Both my relationships are a far cry from perfect, but is there anything called a perfect relationship?

2) Even if individually both women doesn’t make me that happy, together, I think I feel pretty decently satisfied (yes there are things I over look but again it goes back to qtn No1). But I think I will be equally satisfied with a single woman who could address these needs. So that means am I a poly just because of my circumstances?

3) I have a big ethical dilemma when it comes P2’s husband. As far as he is concerned, I am still gonna be a “Secret lover”, if and when found out. Should I consider it as only P2’s problem for her to deal with or should I consider it as my responsibility as well and walk away from it, as it conflicts with my idea of an ethical relationship?

4) The acceptance of P1 and P2 probably is because, they don’t want to “lose me” or because of the “situation” they are in. and not because they are comfortable with me being non-exclusive. Both women are extremely jealous and possessive about me. Isn’t a sure shot recipe for a disaster?

5) Will things get better in the long run? Or is there anything I can do at all to make things better?
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