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Old 09-10-2013, 06:07 AM
edlr edlr is offline
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 5
Default A wierd V and Poly Blues

Let me continue with the whole post anyway at least I took 2+hours to write it
Both P1 and P2 are aware of each other’s presence in my life and hostile with each other to some extend (Yes there have been 3-way nasty fights with, each being blamed for supporting the other). But beyond all that fight there is some kind of a Micki & Maude scenario now.
P1 is right now is almost acceptance mode where (don’t ask, don’t tell rules apply). P1 has deep routed insecurity problems and more over severe attachment to me. She has been with me from 18years on. And the fact that she has never been in any relationship other than with me makes her even more insecure. Also she really understands the fact that I genuinely care for her and I support her no matter what. These, I think are the main factors for her to not to seek a divorce, even after I offered it with alimony. She also doesn’t want our kid to grow up in a broken family. P1’s greatest issue is whether I will walk out on her for P2. And what made me fall for P2 so much, something that has never happened in last 13years, even when I have been women friends who were romantically interested in me(and P2 knew about it). The fact that P2 is someway special to me is the biggest source of P1’s insecurity and the second reason in P2 and I had great sexual chemistry which P1 and I lacked later on. And it indeed is a BIG BIG issue for her, and she blames always “how are you being able to give her things I never had, when I am not satisfied with our sexual life”

There was a time, I actually wanted to end the relationship with P1 and be exclusive to P2, but later I realized that, it was only because of the harassment, abuse and assaults P1 dished out in reaction to P2’s presence. But in reality, I still care and love her a lot. We have 13years of history and despite all the shit, there were still few good things. No one can read my mind like P1. But I am really afraid that I won’t be happy, if I go back to being exclusive to P1 again. I have given P1 many chances to “see others” and open up the marriage with a caveat that, it might also end my “sexual relationship with her” or at least we wouldn’t have it simultaneously, and she will have to undergo blood work from time to time. But she refused to have another relationship, both sexual and emotional, saying she can’t even think of being intimate or even in love with anyone other than me. And goes on to blame for making her incapable of loving anyone else.

P2 is in an acceptance mode because, she doesn’t want to lose her kids and her husband doesn’t want to agree on a mutual divorce unless he gets both the kids. P2 is a panicky person and doesn’t want to lose the kids. So would like to maintain the status quo in the dysfunctional marriage for now. And probably because of that, she is willing to accept P1 and my primary partner and my sexual non-exclusivity with her. Also social acceptance in her circles (Divorce is still considered a big taboo here, nevertheless plenty of ppl do divorce) matters to her a lot as well. Next big issue is, my existence is totally unknown to her hubby. That means she is in “an affair/cheating relationship with me”. Which is one of the main reasons for this post.

When I realized about P2’s “do whatever it takes to preserve ego” and instances of pathological lying just push the blame, I have decided to totally break myself out of her, and I considered that she must be severe NPD. And I wanted to get the hell out. But later I realized that, beneath all that, P2 still has a conscious and deep affection and love for me. She has proven it multiple times. Just like P1, I have given P2 a choice of opening up the relationship or a choice of staying only as close Friends or FWBs(if she is exclusive). And I suggested. She could meet someone else for her romantic and/or sexual needs. But that latter means, she would have to make our relationship an emotional but non-sexual one as I can only have exclusive partners. She reacted with abuse when I said that, and asked me what kind of an “ass*ole” I am, and went on to give me a lecture on how she can’t even imagine anyone other than me touching her. So in summary, she doesn’t want to open-up as well.
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