Thank you all for your responses.
Gala, you are right on the nose with your understanding of it. I was afraid it was something too complicated for most to get. I never thought of it from that aspect as being complicated to feel, not complicated behavior. That helps make things easier to look at. Thanks for the different questions posed.
We already do sit downs and discussions. I've been trying to facilitate that a lot. We've discovered that he doesn't trust her because of stuff she did and put him through while they were married. We've discovered that they have nothing in common for the most part. Yesterday she told me she can't understand why it is hard for him to understand or "get" what she is trying to say when she tells him of stuff she is dealing with, yet she can tell me and I get it completely. She says it confuses her because he and I are like 1 and the same person with everything except maybe 5% to 10% of who we are, including he is male and I am female lol. I don't know how to get him to acknowledge her issues when she brings them to him because he acknowledges me and mine when I put them forth, so I know he can and he is very good at it.
I will be attempting to get them to look at the root of his distrust of her, but as you said, Kevin, he has to be willing to work through it.
Thank you all for the diferent words of advice. I will see if those will help.