Originally Posted by Duckshoes
She had her own place but would be over between 3-5 times a week. I should also add that there is an age difference (she is younger) and I think she was afraid of commitment at this stage in her life
Originally Posted by Natja
I think it's easy to assume it's commitment that is the problem but it's more likely to be that she wants what you had, a chance to establish her own family. You attempted to prevent her from doing that and she, rightly, ended things.
The above two quotes could work in either order. But let me just make sure I have this right.
You and your wife have a marriage, a joint home, joint bank accounts. You support each other, you presumably provide things like insurance and retirement for your wife, along with the ability to have a nicer home and cars based on your joint income. Your wife either has children with you or has the opportunity to have children with you. You are there for each other 24/7 and spend any evening together that you want to, and presumably every night together. You go to events and family functions together.
Your girlfriend gets to work two, three, maybe ten times as hard to provide all of this for herself. Because she has only her income, she will be unable to provide herself as much as if she was with the two of you or with a primary partner. She has to sleep alone 2 to 4 times per week at least, compared to yours and your wife's NEVER. She gets to see the two of you...when the two of you are not having couple time? Does she get the opportunity to have children with you? If not, she gives that up. She gets to keep the people she loves in secret and not have anyone to bring to family functions. She gives up ever having a primary partner or husband of her own.
And in return, she gets....what? To have hot threesomes with you and your wife when the two of you want them? Or does she get one on one time with either of you...when the two of you have time for her?
Do I have that right? If so, the exchange rate would have to be pretty incredible for that to be a sufficient trade-off.