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Old 09-10-2013, 03:22 AM
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Arabella Arabella is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Location: U.S. Midwest
Posts: 30
Smile New User Name

Oh! Someone ressurected this!

I had the name Scarletta, and then had forgotten the password and decided to start over with a new user name and all that. Funny, this is still somewhat relevant.

I LOVE this advice, from everyone. This is how it ended up working out:

C decided NOT to see anyone else, and actually has been kind of in an emotional funk recently. We're good together, and you're all absolutely right, I shouldn't blame C's current schedule on DH's head.

Yes, GalaGirl, I desperately need the appreciation that you mentioned. We're still stuck on this point, as *I've* actually started a new relationship and he again has flipped out (while also going through another two girlfriends.) It's so hard not to hold a grudge when he continues the behavior. But I'm working on it.

And working on self-care, as well.

Bookbug, you're so right on me having looked at it backwards. In fact, a few weeks after posting that, he said pretty much exactly that. He felt safe in branching out. He hasn't, and it's due to things that have little to nothing to do with me, I realize now.

LOL @gorgeouskitten, yes, Adult Quiet Time usually occurs about 5 minutes after the little man is asleep and about 10 minutes before one of us falls asleep. When DH was dating that woman at work, he later mentioned that it was something like that. They had to be careful how MUCH the socialized.

He's not dating her anymore, and now word has gotten around that they HAVE dated (and she was pretty sore about the break up too.) I've gotten to know some of his co-workers, and now we're beginning to be 'out' about our lifestyle, inadvertently, and that's some interesting drama that's yet to unfold. But regardless of that, yes, seeing her everyday probably wasn't the fantasy that I cooked it all up to be in my head.

In all, the advice actually still is relevant, in terms of the issues DH and I have. We've actually started seeing a poly-friendly counselor recently that we both get along with, so hopefully we can address some of those issues there.

C and I are doing well, and our discussions are much less emotionally charged. I read many of the post that all of you who've commented here write, and take to heart much of your advice to others, as well. Thank you SO much!
~Arabella's Aria~

Arabella - Me, 36, female
DH - Arabella's Husband, 36, male
S, DH's new relationship, 35, female
Mr. C. - Arabella's boyfriend, 35, male, married to E
E - Mr. C's wife, 35, female
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