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Old 02-22-2010, 10:48 PM
polytriad polytriad is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Yes there might be a "passive" hope that change will in fact occur. I still think you need to tell them how you are feeling. Bottling stuff up is a recipe for disaster my friend. The longer you put it off, the more little things will be added and surpressed as well in my opinion. You are in this for the long haul it seems..the long haul requires a lot of work. I mean a lot. I spent a good six months of intense work to start truly seeing the possibilities. Six months of very open communication and a fair share of confrontation. Redpepper would agree. This isn't easy when you are trying to build a sustainable family type situation. I think it's best that you all become very aware that this is going to push each of you and the sooner you deal with issues the better things will become.

You don't need to do all the work. There are three of you involved right now so start sharing the burden and supporting each other

Peace and Love
Mono
I am definitely feeling the difficulty which was expected. I just didnt think it would be so early. I am very comfortable with confrontation. I love a good debate. I love talking out my issues. Problem is that I am also very passionate with my ideas and I think all of them through and present fact to support my ideas/feelings. Because of this when we all talk most of everything they say I have already thought of and have came up with a solution or a comment to that point. This makes them feel like its my way or the highway when in reality I am hoping one of them will have a opinion that will cohesively work for the three of us. (FYI nether of them like confrontation)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
When I'm working with my own expectations, I work hard to make sure to be realistic with it. Usually, if I'm in a situation where I'm having hard feelings over something, I usually keep my expectations to two things: I expect to be listened to and I expect my partner to consider my feelings. If my partner needs to keep things the same after considering my feelings, we talk about that. Since I know my partner makes his decisions in a way that honors my feelings, I actually find it easier to cope with the situation even if it hasn't changed.
I truly would love to feel this way. I think that I, like your partners take wifey and Nikki's feelings into consideration.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
It also works a lot easier when people work from the general assumption that everyone in the relationship should take responsibility for their own feelings and emotions. So instead of saying "You guys having your relationship is making me feel left out", I would say "I'm really struggling with my feelings as you guys grow closer, and I would love some support as I figure out how to make this work for me."

I've yet to see a relationship that was saved in the long term by martyrdom.

Basically, being open with your feelings without expectation or attachment to a specific outcome prevents things from being stuck. It doesn't make things easier, it just allows things to move and grow.
I am quite fascinated at how well you are understanding this situation! Much thanks are due unto you! Your partners have a great catch!

I really like the way you use your words. You are saying what I want to say but in a way that is non confrontational. Its presented in a way that begets commentary or open discussion. In a way where I am stating how I feel and asking for help with suggestions on how to not feel this way. And it that each person will feel like making a change is self initiated and that will be there contribution to the greater good.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
I've noticed that you are very attached to this specific outcome of having a triad. You keep holding that out as an ultimate goal with everything you're doing. I don't know what's best for you, but if I was in that situation, I would honestly need to back down from that goal and set it aside. You seem to be setting it aside in practice, but not in intent. Triads rarely work if they are pre-scripted and forced into existence.
From what I can understand from what wifey and nikki feel is that this way we are doing it keeps it from being pre-scripted and forced into existence. I would agree that I am very attached to the triad. We all agreed that the triad works best in terms of making Nikki as much apart of our live as I am or wifey is. We dont want her to feel second and wifey doesnt want to not feel first...so solution is to create an equal triad.
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