Originally Posted by Natja
I think what disturbs me (and it might be niggling others, I am not sure) is it appears that instead of making an effort to confront the reasons why your gf having a partner may disturb you, instead of coming here and talking that particular issue over, getting all the varied opinions and points of view regarding why this is an issue, instead of you fall back into 'but we can't do that it is too (emotionally) hard'.
I don't mean to be harsh but it seems SO weak minded and defeatist, as if you have no real desire to grow as people, as individuals, you just want to create a box and find someone to fill it and have it all the same.
No maybe you are not really 'Poly' maybe you would be better off going back to monogamy, I don't know, at least you wouldn't need to challenge yourself, but it is quite frustrating to read
No, it is not her job to make you happy! Only you can do that. I am pretty sure she would be as happy as a clam if you pretended you were happy whilst at the same time dealing with your issues!!! What is wrong with being unhappy anyway? When your unhappiness is a by-product of misplaced expectation? If my (mythical) husband is not a doctor and that makes me unhappy because I wanted to marry a doctor, is my husband wrong? Or is my expectation?
You are the cause of this pain, yourself and your wife because your Unicorn turned out to be a real woman with real needs, you will find this with any woman who agrees (however briefly) to a triad.
I appreciate your honesty but I am surprised at the amount of venom in your post. This is new to me and my wife and maybe we don't have the same ideas on what a perfect relationship is. I came here to get some different perspectives on my situation so that I could maybe understand. Some people have provided that and others have attacked me and called me week minded and defeatist. I am sorry I don't fit into your idea of what poly is.
Thank you people for some of your posts. I will seek understanding elsewhere