View Single Post
Old 09-10-2013, 01:18 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by Numina View Post
And NYcindie you can say this now, but I saw a post from you on another blog about a three year ordeal between you and your x-husband before your marriage ended. So I believe it is actually hindsight for you, and maybe what you would attempt for yourself in a situation like this one. But I also see that you know ending things (if that’s what will happen) isn’t quick or easy. You also know that ending things via divorce isn’t quick or easy. We can maybe talk more on that in PM if you like.
I don't know which post you are referring to, but there was no ordeal between my husband and me. My personal ordeal had to do with the actual separation and my very dire financial situation, not how he treated me during our marriage. We had been drifting apart and not having sex for the last three years before he asked for a divorce, but it had been a mutual pulling away (as far as the sex). I was stressed and depressed over other things in my life, and he was trying to deal with my depression. We were still very much friends with each other, still affectionate and kind to each other, and still supportive of each other during the last three years before separating, though we began to have small arguments from time to time (generally, we always discussed issues but did not argue). He withheld from me how unhappy he was, and that is why his wanting to leave me was a total shock to me. He had been struggling to work it out himself internally before he decided he needed to leave our marriage - however, my husband never abused me, and never lied to me! Airyn regularly abuses and takes advantage of you, in blatantly unbelievably callous ways as well as sometimes subtle, insidious ways.

I can tell you that this is not hindsight talking when I say you need to leave Airyn. I would never have tolerated abuse from my husband and he always knew it. While so many women I know have had, somewhere in their history, an abusive relationship, I never had. None of my boyfriends before I got married ever abused me, because I simply do not put up with that shit. Early on in my marriage (first two years), there was an incident, something my husband did, which really pissed me off and made me lose trust in him. When it happened, I told him in no uncertain terms that I would change the lock to our apartment if he ever did that again. I don't even need a locksmith to do it, I've got an extra lockset and can do it myself. I told him never to think he could make a fool of me again. He knew I wasn't kidding and eventually rebuilt the trust I had in him and we had a really great, honest relationship, until almost a decade later when he held back what he was struggling with for a few reasons (not wanting to hurt me, not wanting a third divorce, etc.). We have always been honest with each other. He never cheated on me, never raised a hand to me, never humiliated me in any way, and never expected me to accept selfishness on his part.

I know that walking away would not be easy, but it would be the only thing you can do to move toward a satisfying, happy life. Staying with Airyn and tolerating his absolute BULLSHIT is only going to be more struggle and heartbreak. HE is as much of the problem as Chipmunk is. I am sorry to say that the writing is on the wall, and everyone can see it but you. Save yourself... and your daughter!
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 09-10-2013 at 01:29 AM.
Reply With Quote