Originally Posted by Duckshoes
I understand what you are saying but I also see it that she does have multiple partners in a way, both me and my wife. I fully understand that we may be very unfair in this and I 'm not looking for approval. Just reading your responses and writing out how I feel has been very helpful
I'm new here and to poly. From what I've been learning it sounds like you and wife are looking for polyfidelity in a triad. You'll be called unicorn hunters too. It sounded to me like she broke it off with you. If not or if she's willing to be in a relationship with you two on her terms you're going to have to accept it; otherwise leave her alone.
And if you and wife feel you have love for another, then do your research, figure out what you want for yourselves individually and if poly is for each of you or not. You may be a couple but you both are still individuals.