Originally Posted by Duckshoes
We didn't tell anyone because that was her wish. One of the problems we have is that because she can't tell anyone about us, we can't go anywhere with her as a couple/three
It looks to me like she is desirous to have a primary relationship which you are unable to give her and she didn't, for whatever reason feel comfortable challenging the status quo by being open and out.
This is not uncommon in these types of relationships, so what you need to do for the best possible outcome for everyone would be to re-think this notion of exclusivity, enjoy what time you all have together and do not interfere with her other relationships.
If you are unwilling to release this control perhaps poly is not the best choice for you?